I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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