if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize