reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
