So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
