I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize