I think i peed on brittanys purse
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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