You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
God, I missed his penis.
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