I just cut my nipple shaving
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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