I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
