Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
