"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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