Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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