the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
