He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
