Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
