We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
