It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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