lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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