i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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