I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
