they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
