Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My life is pants optional.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
