why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
