but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize