3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
