If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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