Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
