Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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