Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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