boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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