whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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