I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
