Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It was confusing and full of hummus
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
