I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
