when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
