oh god the rape fog is back!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
