Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
