just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
