That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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