how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
