VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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