I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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