Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
