dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
