im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
