You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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