First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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