I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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