party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
