Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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