i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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