Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
