Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
