just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
