i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
