Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The air taste purple.
Randomize
