Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
