you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
