ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My liver just had a heart attack.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
