i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
