Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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