she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
