Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
