So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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