well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck appropriateness.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
