I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
