My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
