I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
