Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
