my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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