I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
