Your tits are I can't wait for
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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