Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
