just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
