His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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