I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
