Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
