What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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