I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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