Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
