don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
