I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
