Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize