My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
