The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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