Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize