You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Umm I'm too high to move.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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