yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
