she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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