rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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