If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
