i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
