your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize