no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
