i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
