I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
