literally had 100 drinks last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
