i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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