I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
