im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
