i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
