Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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