Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would ride that face into the sunset
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
