Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
