I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
